Before you do anything, you need to take a step back and figure out why your ex-boyfriend reaches out to you all of a sudden. While there can be a possibility that he is reaching out to you because he wants to be with you again….
There are many various other reasons why he might be reaching out to you…. And you want to first be clear on his intentions before telling him that you want him back. This way, you can prevent yourself from getting hurt again. If it is still a fresh breakup, then you need to take the contact with a pinch of salt because the emotions from your breakup have not settled yet….
Below are some possible reasons why your ex-boyfriend suddenly gets in touch:. Your ex-boyfriend who suddenly initiates contact with no apparent reason might be having problems getting over the breakup and moving on.
Since you have been in no contact for quite some time…. There is a possibility that he might be scared that you have already moved on without him. And what that means is that he has been pretending to be over you all this while, but still loves you.
While this can be rare if he was the one that broke up with you…. And during the dinner date, their ex would express to them that they still have feelings for my clients. If your ex-boyfriend broke up with you because of another girl…. He might be reaching out to you after realizing that leaving you was a big mistake on his part and the new girl is completely wrong for him. Sometimes, it takes losing someone to realize how important someone is to you. Guys easily get distracted and make rash decisions such as giving up a long time stable relationship to be with an attractive girl whom he just met weeks ago.
As soon as he realizes that he and the new girl are not working out…. And if he got together with the new girl not long after the breakup…. And as you probably know by now, rebound relationships do not last.
Sometimes, it takes a rebound relationship to realize true love. And in this case, if your ex-boyfriend is coming back to you after being with someone else…. This can lead to a stronger relationship if you do decide to take him back. This might be one of the most common reasons why an ex-boyfriend suddenly contacts you shortly after the breakup.
He is still in love with you and wants to give your relationship a second try. Depending on what kind of personality he has and also what is the reason for the breakup….
He might not be so straight forward with his intentions for contacting you. That is when you need to know how to respond to his message or call. Also, I need to emphasize that an ex-boyfriend who really cares about you and genuinely wants to get back together….
Is willing to take baby steps towards working out your relationship problems and make a consistent effort in doing so. You need to be wary when your ex makes impulsive declarations of never-ending love. Passion is born out of need, and our emotional needs can change very quickly especially in the case of a breakup.
So, it might not be surprising that your ex-boyfriend might take his friendship with you very seriously because he can talk about almost everything with you and you get him in a way no one else ever does. A romantic relationship might not work out between two of you, but he is hoping that he can stay good friends with you. But, if you feel the same way as him, then it does no harm keeping him as a good friend.
In this case, it is entirely up to you if you want to help or not. If you are not keen on doing him any favors, remember to turn him down politely. On the other hand, if it has been quite s time since the last time you talked to your ex….
I can understand how surprised you might feel at first and then you start to wonder why your ex suddenly contacts you. But if you still want your ex-boyfriend back, then this can be a good opportunity to let him feel positive towards you. When you help someone, that person is often obliged to returning the favor. While it may not necessarily mean he will get back with you…. When you help him and you continue to build up positive feelings in him over time through conversations with him….
And if the reason your breakup happened was that he was unhappy in the relationship with you…. Then by helping him, you are also letting him see that you are different than before…. And that can let him feel that if he gets back with you again, things might be different. As long as you focus on making him feel good about himself, it can ultimately lead him to get back with you again.
It is possible that something or someplace suddenly reminded your ex-boyfriend of you and he just wanted to reach out and see how you have been doing. If your ex contacted you via a Facebook message or email, he could just want to catch up with you. While this may not necessarily mean he wants to get back with you…. It is a positive sign that he has thought of you and even reached out to you. Keep the conversation light and do not talk about the relationship. If he can think of you enough to reach out to you, it means that to a certain extent he still has some feelings for you.
And if you continue to build up positive feelings in him towards you from this point on…. It will let him remember how it was like when you two were happy in the relationship together. That can spark his feelings for you again and may want to try the relationship with you again. Another possible reason might be that your ex-boyfriend is recently single again and he is looking to reconnect with you.
That means that he still thinks about you and might want to test waters first and see if you still have feelings for him. This is very similar to Reason 6 and is a very positive sign that your ex-boyfriend wants to get back in touch with you again. However, be wary of ex-boyfriends who might just try to have a quick fling with their exes. This companionship might lead to wanting sex with you, but it does not necessarily mean he wants you back. So, if his real intention is to have sex with you, should you have sex with him?
Having sex with him can let him remember the positive times you two had and that can lead him to want the relationship again. This would be the ultimate dream of many guys — to have sex without commitment.
I suggest that it comes down to how you feel about this situation. Ultimately, if your ex is just contacting you because he wants sex…. You know that your ex-boyfriend is in a new relationship now.
Sometimes, guys prefer to talk to their exes when they are having trouble with their current relationships because guys seldom talk to their guy buddies about their feelings or their love life. Thank you for reading. Post your thoughts and ask questions below. I was seeing girl for 6 month. I was into her 8 years ago. She saying that she need a time, i trying so hard to understand what happen she dont communicate and share with me what is going on. I find out trough social media she seeing ex in same time she was with me.
My heart get broken into pieces. She ignoring me than she come to see me, she bridging food for me, showing when she want to. I am getting hurt over and over, i drink so much, what i never did before. I am hurt confused, i love that girl, she left me n the dark no clue why. I would like to hear imput. Your ex tried to rush things after breaking up with her ex.
She thought she could ignore her issues by getting involved with you, so she failed when reality caught up with her. What she did was very selfish and must leave you alone to heal as a result. My ex broke up with me a few days ago due to my up and down moods. I was never up and down before lockdown and was always well balanced and put together.
My anxiety is through the roof now he has left. I have had to take steps to get help and speaking to a doctor today. I am so upset that I have developed a mental health problem and he has abandoned me. We had the best relationship ever before lockdown, and he always says how well I treat him and we were making plans to move in together and talking about getting married and having a family. My boyfriend and i were together for idk maybe 2 years? Note that we were best friends before it turned into a relationship.
Nice write up. I am soo over him now and have decided to never ever call or text him again. I never did him wrong but I wish that he never finds happiness with any girl because he did me wrong. Such an amazing and important article Zan! Such a healthy mindset for all the dumpees out there Sending you a lot of love. Exes more often than not leave breadcrumbs for their selfish reasons and to keep their dumpees hooked on them.
If you can identify with this then I strongly recommend that you undertake your full no-contact period and do not take his call as it is important to show your ex-boyfriend that you mean business. However if this is your first breakup and your ex reaches out to contact you during your no-contact period, then you would have strong grounds to answer his phone call assuming you meet three other criteria.
This factor is really important. Speaking to your ex before you feel mentally ready can set back your progress by weeks. The last thing you want to do when attempting to get back on track and rekindle a relationship, is suffer a major backslide that might trigger needy or angry behaviour on your part.
Think about your own journey through self-improvement…. Are you able to say that you have significantly upgraded your lifestyle in a way that makes you happy? If you feel that you can answer each of these questions positively with no cheating then you have good grounds to take his call. For those of you who perhaps are not yet ready, I would recommend staying in no-contact to avoid causing further damage by speaking to soon.
This category is very broad, it covers the whole encyclopaedia of breakup reasons but I will attempt to cover the main ones. In circumstances where your ex-boyfriend cheated on you then I would suggest you remain in no contact, think of your no contact period as a sort of punishment for his behaviour. If you break the no-contact period for an ex who cheated on you, then will teach him that you will easily forgive his infidelities, making him more likely to cheat again….
If you broke up because of a long-distance relationship where the breakup was not so bad then I would suggest taking the call. My reason for this is that LDRs are very difficult and opportunities to talk or meet up are less frequent so you should take advantage of the situation if you feel ready to talk. The last two types of breakup I want to cover are the Grass is Greener syndrome and the General Breakup.
The Grass is Greener syndrome is where your ex-boyfriend grows disillusioned with the relationship and feels he could find a better girlfriend…… you and I know that is probably unlikely because you are awesome! Finally, the general breakup is where you breakup for no particular reason, you just drift apart.
Anything like that would be classed as a general breakup. If your break-up was caused by either Grass is Greener syndrome or was a general break-up then I would recommend that you stay in no-contact as it is important that your ex recognises that there is a strong chance he could lose you; this is only going to happen if you are less available to him. If your breakup was extremely painful then I would recommend staying in no-contact as the likelihood your ex is angry with you is much higher. This is because the level of pain experienced after a breakup is related to how much you felt for someone; the more you love someone, the more painful the breakup….
It makes sense really. If your breakup was very painful then this indicates that the feelings between you and your ex were very strong…. This factor is all about power….
If you broke-up with your ex-boyfriend then you most likely have the upper hand in winning your ex back. However if your ex-boyfriend ended the relationship with you then the situation is the other way around. If you broke up with him then its worth remembering that you must have had a good reason. Ask yourself if you feel your ex has changed and if he feels remorseful. If he broke-up with you and is reaching out then it could be he is regretting the situation or it could be that he is trying to hook-up so you will need to evaluate all of his behaviour before making your decision.
This one is probably the most telling sign that your ex wants you back. If your ex has reached out to you several times by text or phone call in a positive manner, then you are seeing the beneficial effects of no-contact. Notice how I said that your ex reaches out in a positive manner…… if your ex reaches out to you in a negative manner, perhaps he is angry or rude towards you then I would definitely suggest that you stay in your no-contact period. Remainining in no-contact will give him time to settle down and also stop him from saying more hurtful things towards you which could kill your confidence.
The criteria we discussed were having children together, cohabitation, and administration purposes. The no-contact rule is such a fundamental part of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery programme that you should really only be breaking it in exceptional circumstances. If you feel in any doubt about whether you meet the criteria then I would recommend you stay in no contact as it is the safer option.
Try to avoid talking about the breakup, and finally end the call at a high point just as you would with a text message conversation. Your email address will not be published. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Hi, I been with my ex for 2 years and 3 months and we recently broke up 13 days ago he did it.
He been posting subliminals leading me to believe for a fact that he feels Ive ghosted esp. I heard that when you ignore an ex when they contact you it ruins future change of building back up. Plz help! Hello there. My ex and I share a 1 year old. He has been reaching out and at first it was easy to ignore because he was texting full sentences. We dont have a sharing agreement so he visits his son here. Also he facetimes me alot. I know he misses me, but I want to complete at-least 21 days because I feel he thinks Im always going to be here waiting.
Hi Tonia, so you didnt mention if you wanted him back or not? If you do not then you can keep conversation with him in a civil and emotionless style. If you want him back and have to speak to hi on the phone etc, then you speak about your child and then explain that you need to go because you need to do something about the house, or go out somewhere, just casual excuses to get off the phone.
Hi, Thank you for all your work here! I love reading them. My question is… after 5 years being a dream couple, no fights, big plans about marriage and kids… he broke up with me, because he became bored and chatting with ladies, who boosted his ego… He still keeps calling me almost everyday. A month ago he said he wants to try it again — but then we decided it needs some time… I would prefer to spend quality time together, but he says it is enough if we talk on phone… Why does not he really want to meet?
Why does he keep calling me? I do not really know if he still wants to try or not anymore. He keeps saying he thinks of me everyday, misses me, also the attraction is there.
But then why do not we meet? The breakup was 5 months ago. Sometimes we met during this time. But the no contact was skipped. Thank you! Hi Anne, he keeps calling and not committing because you are confirming you are there when he is ready!
You need to NC him! He moved on long ago I was clueless. God engaged to another woman when I was 6 months pregnant!! This guy kept me in the dark for so long. The baby is exactly a year younger than my son. I have no words to describe this guy. I came on here today to update everyone, vent and to urge everyone to be strong!!
I struggle everyday but it payed off. Words cannot express how thankful I am for you and PMS. Just went on a binge reading on your site after experiencing a really bad trigger today. But with tears in my eyes, I decided to comment here instead. I rather not give that satisfaction.
Love you so much Natasha. I struggled with this 3 months ago. After ending a year and a half dreadful relationship…I thought I was strong and blocked him on every platform of social media.. I then began to miss him and had a relapse.. I called and texted after our breakup for 2 days to only be brutally ignored.. After talking to a mutual friend, I discovered the emotionally unavailable jack ass reactivated his dating profile and was talking to someone whom I considered to be a friend on there..
This girl was someone who I cried to about the breakup so can you guys imagine how it felt to see them together. I sent another long angry text telling him how shady he was and how bad he hurt me and again, I got no response. Do I wish him a Happy Birthday next month so that he thinks im over it?
I feel so stuck. You are not alone Coco. I broke up with him 12 days ago no contact since then, but really want to call him, I keep waiting for him to turn around, drop a message, something. But when I read your articles, I realized that why would he do these thongs now when he never did them when I was with him. Your posts are really helping me right now. Thanks Anna! Thanks for this. I ended things with the flame, but since we split amicably, we kept up a cordial, but infrequent contact.
My now-boyfriend found all these messages and said I was a two-timing liar and he never wanted to see me again. On the other hand, my texts with the other guy are inappropriate and I am ashamed and embarrassed my boyfriend saw them. I am struggling big time with all of this and trying to give him space before reaching out.
Was planning on waiting another week. Do you think I should? So happy that the post helped! I would also need more details. Hi Natasha, you are such a fantastic writer and thank goodness I found your blog.
Hi Jessica! Thank YOU sister. Neither on call nor on text, And I,m already blocked on his Social-media a month ago, Still I was killing myself over the decision of making a call or not. This post has wiped my all daydreams.
He has done all possible damage to me from cheating to abusing. And left me for no reason. He eventually showed up his real colours. He is coward n spineless. Still I falls for him each time I thinks of him. I,m religiously following your posts Natasha.
I tried to get him back but crash n burned. I love you too Manvi! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are loved, understood, believed in, backed, adored and never, ever alone.
I love in this blog. Just keep coming back here to the blog and know that you are loved, understood, backed, believed in and never, ever alone. All my love to you soul sister. Such a fantastic piece.
Currently reading it every hour to get through Day 2 of breakup. He had been asking me to take him back for several years and I had denied him because I was afraid of getting hurt again, but this time it felt right. We were talking every day and I made it clear that I want to have a child soon. He had been telling me for the last two years that he wanted us to have a family together. He actually said that having a child with me was his dream. Who does that? I feel robbed.
And why tell me that you want to have a child with me only to turn around and change your mind a few days later? I go from being fine to just wanting to crawl under the covers and cry and not come out for a week.
You are not alone Elizabeth. I wish I had the time to respond more. I do offer one-on-one coaching of you're interested. Just wanted to say thx for the article. Crazy right? I am writing as to not contact my ex, she was EU, lacked empathy, and showcased a victim mentality.
However, I always wanted to work it out and questioned what I was doing wrong. You can either accept the truth or continue to hurt yourself. You decide. And if you go back, nothing will change and will hurt yourself further. Ultimately, putting more time between the life you desire. Hi Corey! This kind of pain, unavailability, disconnect, etc. You are understood, appreciated, empathized with and not alone.
Thanks again!! I love reading your articles and have stumbled upon this one a few times. I will always wonder if that has impacted his not getting in touch with me. I struggle with whether or not I should write and mail a short note to let him know that those were words spoken out of deep pain. I hate that those were my last words to him.
Thoughts on whether i should write the note or should I just try to let it go and forgive myself? Thank you so much! I wish that I could elaborate further and give my thoughts, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. The link to it is on the homepage. I almost sent this to my ex last night but refrained and am still on the white horse.
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